“It’s time to change the narrative” (Senior Assembly – 16.03.21)

This week’s whole school Senior Assembly was led by Headmaster Mr Doodes and provided a timely reflection following the news this week, how we must work together to encourage a culture of mutual respect.

The assembly was streamed out live to pupils in their form room bubbles and as always started with an inspiring Monitors Address. This week Monitor, Ellie, offered thoughts on body image and body positivity, which was especially relevant to pupils this week as Dr Masons Monday Mindset newsletter also covered similar topics.

Monitors Address by Ellie, Upper Sixth.

 

Mr Doodes then began his very topical address on the recent tragedy of the abduction, disappearance and murder of Sarah Everard and the importance of addressing the issues surrounding the use of language to frame debate.

Following International Women’s Day, and after celebrating Mother’s Day on Sunday, the horror that our nation felt upon learning of the abduction, disappearance and murder of Sarah Everard cannot be understated.

The news that a woman, who was walking by a main road during the evening on well-lit streets, could disappear only to be found under a week later in remote Kent woodland in a builder’s bag, discarded like rubbish, is a crime so heinous, so appalling, that many people simply cannot comprehend it.

What can be taken away from this tragedy that isn’t shock at its barbarism and evil, is how the subsequent events have empowered women and men to address issues surrounding the use of language to frame debate. It has once again shed light on how our society is in many ways institutionally sexist, with male chauvinism permeating many facets of our public life and debate. It has enlightened many of us in the way that some elements of society express how women are framed as having bad things done to them, that violence towards women – including rape, murder and kidnapping – is a woman’s problem, theirs to deal with. It’s never about how men are the perpetrators.

A TED talk by Jackson Katz summarised it superbly. He said ‘“We talk about how many women were raped last year, not about how many men raped women. We talk about how many girls in a school district were harassed last year, not about how many boys harassed girls. We talk about how many teenage girls in the state of Vermont got pregnant last year, rather than how many men and boys impregnated teenage girls.

“So you can see how the use of the passive voice has a political effect. [It] shifts the focus off of men and boys and onto girls and women. Even the term ‘violence against women’ is problematic. It’s a passive construction; there’s no active agent in the sentence. It’s a bad thing that happens to women, but when you look at that term ‘violence against women,’ nobody is doing it to them. It just happens to them…Men aren’t even a part of it!”

But men are part of it. Men are more than part of it. Collectively, men are the problem and bear the responsibility. No one should be a victim, but more importantly there should not be any perpetrators. And the facts speak for themselves: when it comes to murder, kidnapping and violence, 90% of all murders are committed by men, as are 97% of sexual offences.

We have to talk about this openly in our school.

The issues are absolutely not about any individual boy in this school or male member of staff. It’s definitely not saying or alleging that everyone who is male is a closet kidnapper, rapist or murderer. No. It’s about how society collectively, the society and establishment of which I and every other male member of staff is a member, has by our actions – and more significantly inactions – enabled some men to harm women, not necessarily the harm which Sarah Everard had to endure in her last hours alive, but harm that has far reaching consequences and causes untold emotional damage.

Some of you may think it’s not common place? It’s another town or country’s problem? Think again. If any of you have read social media the last few days you find post upon post of brave women speaking out about misogyny and sexism, and downright abuse, on a daily basis.

One King’s teacher shared her experience: ‘30 odd years after it happened I still feel sick remembering the night a male driver buzzed me on the M4. I was on my own in an old Renault 5, very late, road virtually empty. Guy pulled up alongside me, caught my eye, drove off, pulled in front and slowed down… And repeat…’

Kate McCann, the political correspondent at Sky, shared her experience: ‘What happened to Sarah Everard has hit home hard for so many women because we make the calculations she did every day too. We take the longer, better-lit route, push the fear aside for the voice that says ‘don’t be daft, you’ve every right to walk home alone at night and be safe. Tell friends ‘it’s fine, it’s just around the corner, I’ll text when I’m back’ …but still we make a plan – Keys gripped between fingers we map the corner shops we could duck into en-route. Swap shoes for trainers in case we need to run. Keep our music low or turned off. Even being on the phone has downsides. One eye is always on the person in front or behind – would they help me, might they be a threat? Should I cross the road, would that make it worse? Are there lights on in any of these houses if I need to pretend this is where I live? You’re a grown woman and in no other area of your life do you feel so vulnerable. You resent it even though you understand there is a risk – however small. It is frustrating and tiring and constant. And yet sometimes, despite all those calculations, it still isn’t enough.’

Some of you probably enjoy living in the safe environment of our caring and protective community, thinking such issues happen in other schools, not in ours. Think again. Think very much again.

I was appointed to the Headship of King’s at 6.30pm on my final interview day as I drove past the Banbury turnoff on the M40. The following week was a whirlwind coordinating announcements. The day after the news was announced, I hot-footed it with Jess and the children to show them their new school, new house, and new town. After they’d visited St Alban’s and been picked up by their Grandparents, Jess and I were given a tour of the senior school. This was undertaken by one of last year’s brightest and most talented Upper Sixth form girls. Brimming with positivity, bubbling with enthusiasm, she showed us around the school. As we walked out of the theatre entrance and turned left past the windows of the Dining Room, a tall Upper Sixth form boy walked past and said ‘Hey gorgeous’. We continued walking. I looked at Jess, who looked back at me in shock, but we made no comment. Then, in the library, as we walked to the entrance, another boy said ‘Mighty fine’ or words to that effect.

I overheard a similar comment in my first term here, where I addressed the matter directly with the boy involved and asked the girl about what had just happened. ‘You get used to it’, she replied.

You get used to it.

But this isn’t something that women should have get used to, because this is a man’s problem, not a woman’s problem, and unless it is addressed now, by us, and led by me, the staff, the pupils, us collectively, then the girls in this school in 25 years’ time will still be tweeting the sentiments that Kate McCann shared earlier.

The socialisation of men in our schools has engendered some men to think it acceptable to make comments to women, in this case brazenly in front of someone who is to be the new school’s Headmaster whilst his wife is with him and on a tour. It sadly demonstrates that such misogyny and prejudice is happening here, under our very noses.

This behaviour cannot be normalised, it cannot be accepted.

Is it solely a problem for King’s?  No. Most definitely not.

It is happening in every school in every part of the country. Yet many schools wouldn’t admit to it. Many of schools aren’t brave enough to do so. We are.

And the only way we’re going to make sure it stops is to confront it, and face this challenge together.

If we allow and accept comments, cat-calling, sexist observations, and don’t shout it out and at the same time shout it down, then sadly, collectively, the men in this school are culpable of propagating a culture that will end up with such behaviour continuing to be the norm, behaviour that has far reaching and – if it reaches its zenith – tragic consequences. And that simply isn’t good enough.

Let’s start by framing the debate correctly.

The headline isn’t ‘Drunk girl raped after night out’ but ‘Man rapes women’.

The headline isn’t ‘32 year old women kidnapped and murdered’ but ‘Man commits murder’.

The headline isn’t ‘Safety of women needs to be addressed’ but ‘Behaviour of men needs to change’.

Let us use this tragedy as an opportunity for King’s to address this head on.

Let us use this tragedy to collectively change our own narrative.

You can view our previous Senior Assemblies here.